03/04/11: Solo Training Session #8

Horrible awful no-good mood. Don't want to do this or anything else. Don't want to be vulnerable to anyone, including myself. And also secretly I know I want to do this.








Contemplative Practice (10 minutes):

Meditated in half lotus in the one shaft of sunlight in the room.


Warm-up (15 minutes):

Did cat/cow stretch and child's pose.

Decided to work with intercostal muscles today

Rolled around on floor as felt pleasurable.

Spoke stream of thoughts: "I'm never a good enough..."

Sang stream of thoughts: "I'm never a good enough..."


Training (35 minutes):

Did pseudo-tai-chi while singing "When the river meets the sea."

Stretched and stroked intercostals while singing "When the river meets the sea."

Did 100 jumping jacks then did body scan, focusing on intercostal muscles

Worked in silence and slow motion, trying to breathe from stomach without using shoulders, playing with hard and soft edges, fluid and angular motion.

Created hand/arm choreography with fists and clasped hands.

Sang Dona Nobis Pacem

Sang Dona Nobis Pacem with hand/arm choreography.

Note-taking (5 minutes):

Sat in studio, drank cold coffee, wrote Tiny Imaginary Play #8

02/25/11: Solo Training Session #7

Embarrassed about the amount of procrastination involved in actually getting to the studio today. Relieved the room is available. Looking forward to exploring some of my new internal sensations of what this training is about. Pleased to be here. Pleased to be documenting myself being here. Feeling confident and happy.


CONTEMPLATIVE PRACTICE (7 minutes):

Meditated in half-lotus against the wall, room dark, eyes open, facing the mirror.

WARM-UP (20 minutes):

Long-form sun salutations, breathing deeply.

Sang "When the River Meets the Sea" a capella in front of the mirror while doing "infinity arm circles."

100 jumping jacks followed by body scan to find body part to work with today. Found my xiphoid process (aka metasternum, the cartilaginous end of the sternum which attaches to the diaphragm muscles and is related to breathing).

TRAINING (35 minutes):

Almost no speaking for the entire time.

Yoga poses to stretch region around xiphoid process.

Extensive work with mirror.

Explored shoulder and arm choreography. Right angles.

Drew blue dot on xiphoid process to isolate it more clearly.

Worked shirtless for a time in order to have access to xiphoid process, was slightly uncomfortable and switched to a small scarf around my breasts.

Mime-type exercises including pulling an invisible rope through my body.

Explored grotesque faces and body positions, particularly invoking archetypes of old men and women (like Pantalone character in commedia)

Explored soft and hard facial gestures, which led to a few words about gender and embodiment.

Camera ran out of memory, last 5 minutes unrecorded.

Short, extreme emotional experiences characterized the (unrecoreded) end of the session - confusion and anger. They subsided as soon as the alarm sounded for the training's end.

NOTE-TAKING (5 minutes):

Sat in studio. Took brief notes about session and found I could not remember very precisely what had transpired. Decided to watch session video to recreate notes (this plan was later foiled as an error occurred and the footage was lost). Wrote Tiny Imaginary Play #7.

02/17/11: Solo Training Session #6

Embarrassed that today's session is cut so short. Happy to be in the room. Happy to be documenting myself training. Happy to have a new song to learn and some preliminary systems for working. It's a sunny day.





Contemplative Practice (7 min):
Meditated in corner of room, half-lotus, eyes open. Deep breathing.

Warm-up (15 min):
Deep breathing, musical sighs and sirens. Arm circles. Yoga stretches (cat, cow, bow).

100 jumping jacks. Did body scan to find place to focus on for the day: found lungs.

Sang "Do you Realize?"along with mp3 player while swinging arms, doing wall-pushups, thinking about lungs transmitting air.

Training (40 minutes):
Sang "Do you Realize?" a capella, while moving.

Stood in tree pose, deep breathing, swaying. Experiencing awareness of all the unused space in the lungs. Comparing the expansiveness of the lungs to the static pulsing of the heart.

Moved like a sighing bird, in slow motion

Sang "Do you Realize?" in slow time.

Sang and chanted the phrase "Ladies and Gentleman We are Floating in Space" and the song of the same title.

Talked to the camera directly (for the first time) about breathing.

Ran laps in the room while talking, free associating about my desires for this training. "I'm trying to develop a somatic listening system that helps me become more aware of my desires"

Stretched on the floor. Touched toes to hands in rocking motion. Practiced attaching/detaching desire to action.

Note-taking (1 minute):
Ran out of time to take notes! Made very rushed scribbles about the day's actions and didn't write my Tiny Imaginary Play!

A few days later I force myself to watch the entire video documentation of Training Session #6, after which I write Tiny Imaginary Play #6

02/03/11: Solo Training Session #4

Afraid that someone will need to use this room and kick me out if it. Weirdly paranoid that someone is going to peer in the windows at me. Worried that the room is too small or too cluttered or full of stale energy. Aware that I still have no idea what I'm doing. Excited to do training two days in a row. Excited to have time alone.

Contemplative Practice (10 minutes):
Meditated, lights out, eyes closed, half lotus, back up against the wall to feel strength in my back. Tried to balance energetic focus in space between eyes.

Allergist called. Bloodwork has determined that I am not allergic to shellfish! Will eat shrimp tonight to test it.

Warm-Up (15 minutes):
Turned on camera (closer to it than usual in this small room). Arranged cluttered room to make a better shot. Cold. Ran back and forth on diagonal of room, talking non-stop, inner monologue. Did a lot of shaking - hands, arms, shoulders. Thought about tension as apparati of capture in the body, how to break it apart. Rubbed skin with hands to warm and awaken it. Jumped up and down. Did headstand and shoulder stand.

Training (40 minutes):
Did push ups on wall and on floor. Sang through "When the River Meets the Sea."

Danced to a song that someone was singing in the hallway.

Did modified cat/cow and sun salutations while singing.

Moved while speaking about the difference between cause and cure. Moved while speaking about Plato/Derrida's pharmakon.

Got quiet at the end. Moved slowly and sensually.

Caressed self.

Did rocking motions in a variety of positions.

Video card on camera ran out of space so the last 10 minutes were undocumented. I turned out the lights and continued working. I enjoy a bit of unrecorded training time.

Note-taking (5 minutes):
Sat in room, where I'd meditated at the beginning of the session and jotted down notes. Wrote Tiny Imaginary Play #4 (click here to read)