Afraid to begin. Annoyed at my constant procrastination. Wondering why I am doing this at all. Fear of narcissism and wasting time. Fear that this is the wrong time to do this, too late or too early, or not under the appropriately auspicious stars.
Contemplative Practice (10 minutes):
Sat in child’s pose. Made low, long sounds. Tone resonance is nice in the studio. Body feels achy, sick, lethargic, cold. Floor is very cold.
Warm-Up (10 minutes):
Too achy to be very physical. Worked feet and ankles mostly. Sang “The Water is Wide.” I don’t know the lyrics so I make up new ones. Created a game with myself about improvising lyrics.
Free Improvisation (30 minutes):
Mostly on the floor. Mostly with eyes closed. Room grew darker as session went on, quite dark at the end. Lots of crawling on belly and singing while in fetal position, or what I called “june bug pose.”
Speech about moment of psychic release that follows lovemaking and the attempt to find that full surrender elsewhere in life. Speech about being afraid to fall asleep the night before for fear I’d stop breathing in my sleep. Two releases – one desirable, the other terrifying.
Made up a song and a character that sings it – an old Black Jamaican man. Sang in an unfamiliar baritone voice that felt good in that room. Glad that no-one can see me. Sang “Hey ho, nobody home” in this same character.
Looked at hands to check and see if I was dreaming. This became a dance. Finally at the end I was able to dance – free movement, hips open, still very contained but at last I was a creature with feet and not just a june bug.
Very appreciative of the privacy of the space. Being alone feels safe and strange.
Note-taking (10 minutes):
Had idea about creating “tiny imaginary plays” after every session. I will post these on my other blog "Parapraxis" and link to them here. Voila, Tiny Imaginary Play #1 (click here to read)
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