02/27/11: Group Training with Dandelion DanceTheater

Today I attended an open training session with Dandelion DanceTheater at CELLSpace in San Francisco. The training consisted of:

• 50 minutes – Ballet
• Short Break
• 50 minutes – Balkan Singing

There were 8 – 10 people there over the two hours, half of whom were company members and the other half were either friends of the company or folks like me, who had learned of the open training session online. Both trainings were geared towards those without experience in the specific performance modes, but the leaders encouraged and expected a high level of focus and achievement. After so much time working in the studio alone, it was a pleasure to train with other people.

Intertext: Video Documentation and its Discontents

Over the last two training sessions (#6 and #7) I finally feel like I've moved past my constant hyper-awareness of the eye of the camera in the corner of the room. I'm no longer trying to aggressively ignore it or pretend like I've forgotten it's there. It now feels more like a supportive collaborator than an invading force. I've only reviewed the footage of one session so far (#6), but I feel pleased to have a record of what these trainings look like from the outside, and I'm considering sharing clips of my work on this site.

Unsurprisingly, this comfort with video documentation of my work seems to have developed contemporaneously with a new relationship to my image of myself in training. I've been feeling greater ease working with my reflection in the mirror as a training tool, and also been less concerned about the potential narcissism of this kind of individual practice in general.

Oddly timed with my newfound appreciation of video documentation is the loss of the footage from my last training session (#7). There was an error with the video card and the data seems irretrievable. Alas! I'll press forward and try not to cry over lost documentation.

02/25/11: Solo Training Session #7

Embarrassed about the amount of procrastination involved in actually getting to the studio today. Relieved the room is available. Looking forward to exploring some of my new internal sensations of what this training is about. Pleased to be here. Pleased to be documenting myself being here. Feeling confident and happy.


CONTEMPLATIVE PRACTICE (7 minutes):

Meditated in half-lotus against the wall, room dark, eyes open, facing the mirror.

WARM-UP (20 minutes):

Long-form sun salutations, breathing deeply.

Sang "When the River Meets the Sea" a capella in front of the mirror while doing "infinity arm circles."

100 jumping jacks followed by body scan to find body part to work with today. Found my xiphoid process (aka metasternum, the cartilaginous end of the sternum which attaches to the diaphragm muscles and is related to breathing).

TRAINING (35 minutes):

Almost no speaking for the entire time.

Yoga poses to stretch region around xiphoid process.

Extensive work with mirror.

Explored shoulder and arm choreography. Right angles.

Drew blue dot on xiphoid process to isolate it more clearly.

Worked shirtless for a time in order to have access to xiphoid process, was slightly uncomfortable and switched to a small scarf around my breasts.

Mime-type exercises including pulling an invisible rope through my body.

Explored grotesque faces and body positions, particularly invoking archetypes of old men and women (like Pantalone character in commedia)

Explored soft and hard facial gestures, which led to a few words about gender and embodiment.

Camera ran out of memory, last 5 minutes unrecorded.

Short, extreme emotional experiences characterized the (unrecoreded) end of the session - confusion and anger. They subsided as soon as the alarm sounded for the training's end.

NOTE-TAKING (5 minutes):

Sat in studio. Took brief notes about session and found I could not remember very precisely what had transpired. Decided to watch session video to recreate notes (this plan was later foiled as an error occurred and the footage was lost). Wrote Tiny Imaginary Play #7.

02/17/11: Solo Training Session #6

Embarrassed that today's session is cut so short. Happy to be in the room. Happy to be documenting myself training. Happy to have a new song to learn and some preliminary systems for working. It's a sunny day.





Contemplative Practice (7 min):
Meditated in corner of room, half-lotus, eyes open. Deep breathing.

Warm-up (15 min):
Deep breathing, musical sighs and sirens. Arm circles. Yoga stretches (cat, cow, bow).

100 jumping jacks. Did body scan to find place to focus on for the day: found lungs.

Sang "Do you Realize?"along with mp3 player while swinging arms, doing wall-pushups, thinking about lungs transmitting air.

Training (40 minutes):
Sang "Do you Realize?" a capella, while moving.

Stood in tree pose, deep breathing, swaying. Experiencing awareness of all the unused space in the lungs. Comparing the expansiveness of the lungs to the static pulsing of the heart.

Moved like a sighing bird, in slow motion

Sang "Do you Realize?" in slow time.

Sang and chanted the phrase "Ladies and Gentleman We are Floating in Space" and the song of the same title.

Talked to the camera directly (for the first time) about breathing.

Ran laps in the room while talking, free associating about my desires for this training. "I'm trying to develop a somatic listening system that helps me become more aware of my desires"

Stretched on the floor. Touched toes to hands in rocking motion. Practiced attaching/detaching desire to action.

Note-taking (1 minute):
Ran out of time to take notes! Made very rushed scribbles about the day's actions and didn't write my Tiny Imaginary Play!

A few days later I force myself to watch the entire video documentation of Training Session #6, after which I write Tiny Imaginary Play #6

02/16/11: Solo Training Session #5

Embarrassed because I missed last week (again), embarrassed that I was late again today, embarrassed because I'm choosing this practice over reading for class, grateful for a body that still feels awake from Contact Improv last night and still feels ripples of love from other bodies moving through it.


Contemplative Practice (7 minutes):
Meditated in half lotus with eyes open. Noticed the changing light in the room.

Warm up (15 minutes):
Stretched while singing "When the River Meets the Sea."

"Polished" body with hands, then with other-than-hands. Really trying to sense deeply the points of contact between self and self.

While polishing, spoke stream-of-consciousness about what I was feeling. Thought about terms we have for this: "verbal diarrhea," and "discharging." Why are all the terms to describe speaking freely about inside experiences so gross?

Thought about feelings as skin. Polishing skin, polishing emotional surfaces.

Training (35 minutes):
Did 100 jumping jacks followed by body scan.

Chose part of body to focus on for the day. Avoided places that called out for focus due to pain (shoulders, neck, foot) and instead chose body part that felt good: skin.

Moved as if skin was a bubble

Worked with negative space around skin a la Contact Improv. Moved with almost-touch.

Worked with vulnerability of wrist skin.

Tried to avoid being too hand-focused. Worked with legs and leg skin, both touch and almost-touch.

Moved with "thick skin" (where are the thin places?)

Moved with "thin skin" (where are the thick places?)

Did 100 more jumping jacks. Did second body scan. Compared difference

Video card ran out of memory.

Sang (no words) and moved around space for 5 unrecorded minutes. Acoustics exquisite and strange.

Note taking (5 minutes):
Took notes in space then moved to the dance lounge to write Tiny Imaginary Play #5 next to some fragrant eucalyptus stems in a vase. The weather is dramatic.

Intertext: Find a Part of Your Body

This weekend I spoke with a friend enrolled in a full time theatre training program at Dell' Arte about my training practice. I asked her for advice and she suggested I focus on a specific part of the body each week as a guide to my research.

This idea pairs well with my interest in using internal body-sensing scans as a way to sound out new places to converse with and engage. I plan to work with this idea for the next few sessions. During warm-up, I'll exert myself physically, then do a body scan to find a place that feels like it wants to speak, then use that part as a guide for the day's training.

02/03/11: Solo Training Session #4

Afraid that someone will need to use this room and kick me out if it. Weirdly paranoid that someone is going to peer in the windows at me. Worried that the room is too small or too cluttered or full of stale energy. Aware that I still have no idea what I'm doing. Excited to do training two days in a row. Excited to have time alone.

Contemplative Practice (10 minutes):
Meditated, lights out, eyes closed, half lotus, back up against the wall to feel strength in my back. Tried to balance energetic focus in space between eyes.

Allergist called. Bloodwork has determined that I am not allergic to shellfish! Will eat shrimp tonight to test it.

Warm-Up (15 minutes):
Turned on camera (closer to it than usual in this small room). Arranged cluttered room to make a better shot. Cold. Ran back and forth on diagonal of room, talking non-stop, inner monologue. Did a lot of shaking - hands, arms, shoulders. Thought about tension as apparati of capture in the body, how to break it apart. Rubbed skin with hands to warm and awaken it. Jumped up and down. Did headstand and shoulder stand.

Training (40 minutes):
Did push ups on wall and on floor. Sang through "When the River Meets the Sea."

Danced to a song that someone was singing in the hallway.

Did modified cat/cow and sun salutations while singing.

Moved while speaking about the difference between cause and cure. Moved while speaking about Plato/Derrida's pharmakon.

Got quiet at the end. Moved slowly and sensually.

Caressed self.

Did rocking motions in a variety of positions.

Video card on camera ran out of space so the last 10 minutes were undocumented. I turned out the lights and continued working. I enjoy a bit of unrecorded training time.

Note-taking (5 minutes):
Sat in room, where I'd meditated at the beginning of the session and jotted down notes. Wrote Tiny Imaginary Play #4 (click here to read)

02/02/11: Solo Training Session #3

Afraid that I am hyper-documenting an empty process. Wondering if I should've started this process sans documentation in order to establish a practice before adding on all these layers (blog, video, tiny invisible plays, etc). Worried that what I am doing is already completely changed because the video camera is looming there in the corner.

Contemplative Practice (10 minutes):
Meditated in half-lotus, eyes closed, lights out. Played with neck, trying to release tension. Lots of discursive thoughts.

Warm-Up (15 minutes):
Turned on video camera. Rolled on floor a la contact improv, starfish up to starfish down. Did a few yoga poses. Head very full of discursive thoughts. Spoke long list "Things that I am worried about." Then spoke shorter list "Things that I used to be worried about but am no longer worried about." Did headstand and shoulder stand.

Training (45 minutes):
Learned "When the River Meets the Sea" with headphones. Did about 5 reps, in both high and low octaves, loud and quietly, until ipod battery died. While I was learning the song I:
* Ran in circles.
* Did wall mirror movement. Worked on really feeling my back against the wall.
* Did "horse stance" and squats
* Thought about Death

Felt bored of myself so got out a wrestling mat and did somersaults back and forth until my head hurt.

Lay on mat and played with hair. Combed it with fingers roughly. Put into ponytail. Thought about the dead parts of our bodies: hair and nails and skin? Is skin dead or alive? Or always in process of dying? Thought about how these dead and dying parts seem very gender-marked. What do you do with the dead parts of yourself?

Did a talking dance on the blue mat. Asked myself what I could say in this place that I couldn't say anywhere else.

Video card on camera ran out of space, so the last 10 minutes were undocumented. This felt very freeing. What I did in that time will remain secret.

Note-taking (10 minutes):
Someone else needed the room so I sat in the courtyard by the fountain for ten minutes to write. It's February and I'm wearing yoga pants and a tee-shirt outside, hallelujah. Wrote Tiny Imaginary Play #3 (click here to read)

Intertext: Songs

This week I sent the following letter to five of my friends.

I'm a collaborator at heart.

Even if I'm working alone I want to work, somehow, with others.

****************

Dear [names redacted],

You guys know me really well and you're all very present in my head
these days and not near me in bodies.
I'm doing a solo training project thingy thing right now which means
I'm in the studio a lot improvising and trying to not feel
ridiculous.
I've been singing a lot.
But as you know, I don't know any lyrics to anything
So I've decided I'm going to learn a few songs, all the way through,
that I can sing as part of my training.
I wanted to ask each of you to give me a song to learn.
I'll never perform them so they don't have to be in my range.
I'd love for you to suggest a song you think I could learn from,
through the act of apprenticing myself to it.
As you know, I've been struggling lately in my head,
trying to change/evolve/whatever/whyisthissohardtotalkabout.
Do you have a song that might help me with that?
The one I've chosen for myself is here:
[link redacted]
It's a little cheesy but I think I need its medicine.

If you don't want to do this, no worries. Just wanted to ask.

Missing all of your bodies close to mine.

Best,
Joy